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The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Dec. 28-Jan. 3)

3 min read
<div><div data-beacon-parsed="true"><p>The ladies of <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/impact/topic/twitter" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Twitter</a> never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/topic/women" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">HuffPost Women</a> rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.</p><p>Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/hpw-tweets/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" data-beacon-parsed="true">“Funniest Tweets From Women”</a> page for past roundups.</p></div><div data-beacon-parsed="true"><p><em>Sign up for our <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/newsletters/funniest-tweets-from-women" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here</a>.</em></p></div></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Baby Yoda implies the existence of a Sporty Yoda, Scary Yoda, Ginger Yoda, and Posh Yoda</p>— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) <a href="https://twitter.com/HireMeImFunny/status/1211520468903174144?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">December 30, 2019</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">saying 'week':<br>• boring<br>• connotes drudgery<br>• cliché<br><br>saying 'sennight'<br>• exotic<br>• something of the nocturnal to it<br>• suggests you're a dramatic bitch</p>— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) <a href="https://twitter.com/bimadew/status/1212552349375483904?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 2, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">drank all the glasses of leftover champagne i found around the house this morning</p>— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) <a href="https://twitter.com/Kristen_Arnett/status/1212460787559739392?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 1, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">The only acceptable gender reveal is with a black cake to signify that your baby will be a New Yorker.</p>— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) <a href="https://twitter.com/svershbow/status/1212412000288067584?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 1, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">The suburbs are powerful. No matter how strong you think you are, by day two you’re eating dinner at 4 and asking what the weather’s looking like tomorrow</p>— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) <a href="https://twitter.com/alyssalimp/status/1211498154887188486?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">December 30, 2019</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">In 2020 I shall politely and considerately stunt on these hoes, if they don’t mind</p>— Karen Chee (@karencheee) <a href="https://twitter.com/karencheee/status/1212565573348913152?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 2, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">[5 PM]: Come in. Thanks for coming over. <br><br>[6 PM]: I’m so happy we were able to get together. <br><br>[7 PM]: This is so much fun. <br><br>[8 PM]: We should do this again. <br><br>[9 PM]: I’m going to need you to get the fuck out of my house now.</p>— Jessie (@mommajessiec) <a href="https://twitter.com/mommajessiec/status/1212808868256010254?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 2, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">My 2020 resolution is: to disappear mysteriously in the woods & baffle true crime podcast listeners everywhere when I emerge, unharmed, in 2021 with no memories of the woods & a pulsating glowing orb clutched in my fist</p>— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) <a href="https://twitter.com/isabelzawtun/status/1212441493904011264?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 1, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">me waiting for my crush to notice me <a href="https://t.co/3OtFVmZ1B8" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">pic.twitter.com/3OtFVmZ1B8</a></p>— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) <a href="https://twitter.com/BBW_BFF/status/1211920657635659776?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">December 31, 2019</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">My anxiety is higher than the rent</p>— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) <a href="https://twitter.com/iSmashFizzle/status/1212971648187396096?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 3, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">[putting a bra on for the first time in 2 weeks]<br><br>my boobs: please my lady don’t put us back in jail</p>— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) <a href="https://twitter.com/andlikelaura/status/1212761031816073216?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 2, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">am i only one with a pinterest full of different examples of people standing in lines correctly</p>— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) <a href="https://twitter.com/aparnapkin/status/1211082478213095425?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">December 29, 2019</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">who decided fahrenheit had to be spelled this way what even the fuck</p>— gaymer (@legallyines) <a href="https://twitter.com/legallyines/status/1212957221631463425?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 3, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">shazam, but to tell my mother who every single person she sees on TV is</p>— kim. (@KimmyMonte) <a href="https://twitter.com/KimmyMonte/status/1212883351092236290?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 2, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">my only two new years resolutions are to: <br>1) release my inhibitions<br>2) feel the rain on my skin</p>— liz (@liz_haydon) <a href="https://twitter.com/liz_haydon/status/1212191326785007616?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 1, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">women at work while having period pains, a cold, body aches and a serious nausea vs men when they have a slight cold <a href="https://t.co/C7EaUndXnr" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">pic.twitter.com/C7EaUndXnr</a></p>— indie (@INDIEWASHERE) <a href="https://twitter.com/INDIEWASHERE/status/1212803372971114499?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 2, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">you coulda had a bad bitch<br>noncommittal <br>cats can have salami<br>just a little</p>— Prairie Home Companion Cube (@hey_friend) <a href="https://twitter.com/hey_friend/status/1211695008757288960?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">December 30, 2019</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">sucks that the machine I use to write also has a function where you can shop for a new duvet cover for 3 hours</p>— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) <a href="https://twitter.com/caitiedelaney/status/1211112386976866304?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">December 29, 2019</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">every city has a bar named “the library” and everyone inside looks like this <a href="https://t.co/lq4QKgZ9I3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">pic.twitter.com/lq4QKgZ9I3</a></p>— ava wolf (@wownicebuttdude) <a href="https://twitter.com/wownicebuttdude/status/1212548334231142400?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 2, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true" align="center"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">My 2020 plan of falling in love is at odds with not doing anything besides watching Little Women</p>— alyssa, the Little Women enjoyer, (@alyssakeiko) <a href="https://twitter.com/alyssakeiko/status/1211090514369490944?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">December 29, 2019</a></blockquote></div><section><h5></h5><div></div></section>

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.

Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.

Source: Huffington Post Australia Athena2 https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/funniest-tweets-from-women-this-week_au_5e128ad1e4b0843d36148911

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