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The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan.25-31)

Published: (Updated: ) in Australian News by .

Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.

Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

5-year-old: Want to see how many cookies I can eat?

Me: No.

5: Then don’t watch.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 27, 2020

Me: Your nails are so pretty someone awesome must have painted your nails

3: No, you did

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) January 28, 2020

Your child will reject the first 3 bananas on the grounds they are too bruised but on receipt of the 4th and perfect banana they will announce they don’t like bananas anymore

– The Law of Bananas
(category: child)

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) January 27, 2020

I put apple sauce, instead of apple juice, in my 3-year-old’s lunch box today. He came home and said:

Don’t put that in my lunch box ever again.

😂😂😂

— Déborah (@deborahkabwang) January 28, 2020

Friend: so what’s it like parenting a toddler?

Me: why?

Friend: just curious.

Me: why?

Friend: I don’t know nevermind.

Me: why?

Friend:

Me: why?

Friend: hey fuck you man.

Me: yes that’s it exactly.

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) January 30, 2020

Toddler: get in my spaceship

Me: so are you flying this thing?

Toddler: ya, we go to space!

Me: *gets in spaceship* so what’s your favorite planet?

Toddler: circle!

Me: okay I don’t trust her

— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) January 28, 2020

Behind every photo taken at home is a mom pushing random crap out of the way so her house appears clean.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 31, 2020

My 6 y/o son thanked God for Walmart dot com in his bedtime prayers. We’ve never used that website. I’m going to sleep.

— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) January 31, 2020

Coworker: Why would you want go to Hawaii by yourself

Me: Why would you want anyone to go with you?

Her: your kid, husband…

Me: I said what I said

— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) January 28, 2020

Let’s play a game of “Why Did Part Of My Child’s Lunch Come Back Home Uneaten Today?” Choose one:

A. “I didn’t have time to finish”
B. “I didn’t notice that was in there”
C. “It got soggy/brown/warm/cold”
D. “I don’t like [insert food] anymore even though I loved it 2 days ago”

— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 28, 2020

My 4yo thinks I work with a person named Boss. Every morning she tells me “have fun at work today with Boss and do good on your projects.” I will never correct her.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 29, 2020

4yo: How old will I be when our pet guinea pigs get married?

Me: They don’t get married.

4: Why?

Me: Because they’re animals.

4: Why?

Me: Because that’s how they were born.

4: Why?

Me: You’ll be 6 when they get married.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 29, 2020

As a mom of 4 boys, nothing scares me more than when someone opens their backpack & says “I need help with this.”

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 28, 2020

daughter: what does DNA stand for?

me: nobody knows sweatheart… nobody knows

— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) January 30, 2020

And on the 8th day, the Lord realized He actually hated us and gave us kale, Kidz Bop, and waiting in lines.

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) January 31, 2020

If you enjoy fighting with someone at 7 AM about brushing their teeth I can’t recommend parenting highly enough.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 29, 2020

I’m just a mom, standing in the shower, praying her toddler doesn’t find her.

— TeacherMom (@TweatingForTwo) January 26, 2020

Until I became a parent I didn’t know I would be at a club and worried if all the people dancing had taken their flu shots

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 29, 2020

Lord, give me the confidence and attitude of my toddler at dance class. Amen

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) January 29, 2020

Also on HuffPost

Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.

Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

Also on HuffPost

Source: Huffington Post Australia Athena2 https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/the-funniest-tweets-from-parents-this-week_au_5e34d752c5b69a19a4af44c4

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