January 21, 2021

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The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan.25-31)

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<div><p>Kids may say the darndest things, but <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/topic/parents" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">parents</a><a href="https://www.huffpost.com/impact/topic/twitter" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">tweet</a> about them in the funniest ways. So, each week <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/best-parenting-tweets" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">we round up the most hilarious</a> 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.</p><p>Scroll down to read the latest batch and <a href="https://twitter.com/HuffPostParents" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter</a> for more!</p></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">5-year-old: Want to see how many cookies I can eat?<br><br>Me: No.<br><br>5: Then don't watch.</p>— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) <a href="https://twitter.com/XplodingUnicorn/status/1221944193536483328?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 27, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Me: Your nails are so pretty someone awesome must have painted your nails <br><br>3: No, you did</p>— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) <a href="https://twitter.com/pro_worrier_/status/1222170830215483392?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 28, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Your child will reject the first 3 bananas on the grounds they are too bruised but on receipt of the 4th and perfect banana they will announce they don’t like bananas anymore <br><br> - The Law of Bananas <br> (category: child)</p>— MumInBits (@MumInBits) <a href="https://twitter.com/MumInBits/status/1221794833481814016?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 27, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">I put apple sauce, instead of apple juice, in my 3-year-old's lunch box today. He came home and said:<br><br>Don't put that in my lunch box ever again. <br><br>😂😂😂</p>— Déborah (@deborahkabwang) <a href="https://twitter.com/deborahkabwang/status/1222286603722182656?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 28, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Friend: so what’s it like parenting a toddler?<br><br>Me: why?<br><br>Friend: just curious.<br><br>Me: why?<br><br>Friend: I don’t know nevermind. <br><br>Me: why?<br><br>Friend:<br><br>Me: why?<br><br>Friend: hey fuck you man.<br><br>Me: yes that’s it exactly.</p>— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) <a href="https://twitter.com/daddydoubts/status/1222977260086534145?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 30, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Toddler: get in my spaceship <br><br>Me: so are you flying this thing?<br><br>Toddler: ya, we go to space!<br><br>Me: *gets in spaceship* so what's your favorite planet?<br><br>Toddler: circle!<br><br>Me: okay I don't trust her</p>— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) <a href="https://twitter.com/BunAndLeggings/status/1222279467411755008?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 28, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Behind every photo taken at home is a mom pushing random crap out of the way so her house appears clean.</p>— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) <a href="https://twitter.com/Lhlodder/status/1223102960839712768?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 31, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">My 6 y/o son thanked God for Walmart dot com in his bedtime prayers. We’ve never used that website. I’m going to sleep.</p>— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) <a href="https://twitter.com/HonestToddler/status/1223062437173321729?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 31, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Coworker: Why would you want go to Hawaii by yourself<br><br>Me: Why would you want anyone to go with you?<br><br>Her: your kid, husband... <br><br>Me: I said what I said</p>— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) <a href="https://twitter.com/snarkymomtobe/status/1221968445383692288?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 28, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Let’s play a game of “Why Did Part Of My Child’s Lunch Come Back Home Uneaten Today?” Choose one:<br><br>A. “I didn’t have time to finish”<br>B. “I didn’t notice that was in there”<br>C. “It got soggy/brown/warm/cold”<br>D. “I don’t like [insert food] anymore even though I loved it 2 days ago"</p>— SpacedMom (@copymama) <a href="https://twitter.com/copymama/status/1222162300393738240?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 28, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">My 4yo thinks I work with a person named Boss. Every morning she tells me “have fun at work today with Boss and do good on your projects.” I will never correct her.</p>— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheCatWhisprer/status/1222546177117298688?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 29, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">4yo: How old will I be when our pet guinea pigs get married?<br><br>Me: They don’t get married. <br><br>4: Why?<br><br>Me: Because they’re animals. <br><br>4: Why?<br><br>Me: Because that’s how they were born. <br><br>4: Why?<br><br>Me: You’ll be 6 when they get married.</p>— Jessie (@mommajessiec) <a href="https://twitter.com/mommajessiec/status/1222593592344092674?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 29, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">As a mom of 4 boys, nothing scares me more than when someone opens their backpack & says “I need help with this.”</p>— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) <a href="https://twitter.com/sarcasticmommy4/status/1222005944818647040?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 28, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">daughter: what does DNA stand for?<br><br>me: nobody knows sweatheart... nobody knows</p>— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) <a href="https://twitter.com/aotakeo/status/1222860148739313665?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 30, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">And on the 8th day, the Lord realized He actually hated us and gave us kale, Kidz Bop, and waiting in lines.</p>— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheNYAMProject/status/1223064646778671104?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 31, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">If you enjoy fighting with someone at 7 AM about brushing their teeth I can't recommend parenting highly enough.</p>— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) <a href="https://twitter.com/RodLacroix/status/1222476653592502272?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 29, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">I’m just a mom, standing in the shower, praying her toddler doesn’t find her.</p>— TeacherMom (@TweatingForTwo) <a href="https://twitter.com/TweatingForTwo/status/1221508506672435200?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 26, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Until I became a parent I didn’t know I would be at a club and worried if all the people dancing had taken their flu shots</p>— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) <a href="https://twitter.com/Chhapiness/status/1222665111950757889?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 29, 2020</a></blockquote></div><div><blockquote data-dnt="true"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Lord, give me the confidence and attitude of my toddler at dance class. Amen</p>— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) <a href="https://twitter.com/mom_ontherocks/status/1222571301308719104?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">January 29, 2020</a></blockquote></div><section><h5>Also on HuffPost</h5><div></div></section>

Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.

Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

Also on HuffPost

Source: Huffington Post Australia Athena2 https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/the-funniest-tweets-from-parents-this-week_au_5e34d752c5b69a19a4af44c4

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