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The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Feb. 22-28)

Published: (Updated: ) in Australian News by .

Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from mums and dads to spread the joy.

Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

Flex on your kids by calling your new dinner recipe “Ew Disgusting” before they do.

— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) February 24, 2020

My son got a donut from a kid in school who had a birthday and he saved it and brought it home for me and I’ve always told my three sons that I don’t have a favorite but now I think I have to tell them I have a favorite.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 26, 2020

Oh, your kids sit down and eat dinner? That’s cool. Mine perform interpretive dance in the kitchen while their food gets cold.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 24, 2020

Toddler: *tantrum*

Husband: *gives her chocolate*

Me: How did you know?

Husband:

[later]

Me: What the fuck I am so done with today I feel like shit I hate the kids…

Husband: *gives me chocolate*

Me: Oh

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) February 28, 2020

8: mommy I want to study pastrami

Me: why pastrami specifically?

8: I’m just super interested in the stars

Me: astronomy you mean astronomy

8: pretty sure it’s pastrami

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) February 28, 2020

Our 5yo wrapped a piece of sausage around my finger and called it a “band-aid” so needless to say, he’s my personal physician now.

— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) February 28, 2020

4yo: HELP

Me: are you ok!?

4yo: I’m stuck!

Me, running in: omg

4yo: I can’t put my shirt!

Me: those are pants

— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) February 28, 2020

Taking my toddler to an NHL game tonight. Gonna tell her Elsa made the ice.

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) February 26, 2020

Negotiating with a 3 year old:

Me: pick out two books to read.

3yo: no five books!

Me: fine three books.

3yo: no five books!

Me: no one book!

3yo: no TWO books!

Me: ugh you got me, two books it is.

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) February 27, 2020

Friendly reminder that what you see when you accidentally open your front-facing camera is the same thing your kids see anytime they look up at you.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 26, 2020

My 4yo is in a phase where he refuses to wear jeans because he says they “just aren’t as comfy as my sweatpants” and I have honestly never felt more seen or understood.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) February 27, 2020

Before you have kids, know that I just whispered “fucking QUEEN” after realizing I remembered to reseal the package of cheese slices while packing lunch yesterday

— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) February 27, 2020

Good thing I brought this iPad.

-my kid on a 4 minute car ride.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 26, 2020

Thoughts & prayers for my son who thought his phone was charging overnight only to find he must go to school on 6%.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 26, 2020

I live in Florida and my kids have never seen snow, so I look forward to the day we can take a trip to a place where they can have that experience.

And if they like it enough, then I’ll leave them there.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) February 26, 2020

Tween: Ugh! My hair!

Me: Why don’t you put it in a messy bun?

Tween: Because people who put their hair in messy buns have given up.

Me, has my hair in a messy bun: *nods sympathetically*

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 26, 2020

This morning, the 5 year old ran into our bedroom shirtless, screaming “IM READY TO WRESTLE,” and I’m questioning now why I didn’t just get a goldfish all those years ago.

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) February 27, 2020

Child: Can you make me some tea?
Me: I think you’re old enough to make it yourself.

[10 minutes later]

Me [cleaning honey off of every visible surface]: Next time let me do it.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 27, 2020

4 year old came home today and announced he has a girlfriend. She’s older, wears glasses and lives close to the school.

I asked him what her name was. His response: “I don’t know but that’s not important”.

— Mom Like That Podcast (@momlikethatpod) February 28, 2020

“Moms don’t get sick from raw cookie dough”
-and other lies I tell my kids

— Go Ask Your Dad (@_goaskyourdad_) February 28, 2020

Me: when I say WAF you say FLES, WAF!

My kids: so like is breakfast almost ready or what, you’re literally killing us

— Crockett™️ (@CrockettForReal) February 28, 2020

Also on HuffPost

Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from mums and dads to spread the joy.

Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

Also on HuffPost

Source: Huffington Post Australia Athena2 https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/funniest-tweets-from-parents-this-week_au_5e5ee95fc5b6732f50e9c42a

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