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The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (April 11-17)

Published: (Updated: ) in Australian News by .

Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.

Scroll down to read the latest batch:

Today I worked from home, ran 10 miles, homeschooled my kids, cleaned the house, made a delicious dinner, and got my kids to bed early. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you lie.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 15, 2020

I’m not saying our healthy lifestyle has deteriorated under quarantine, but I just asked our 5yo what his favorite fruit is and he answered “sausage.”

— Dad on my Feet (@dad_on_my_feet) April 15, 2020

Have kids, so that instead of sleeping through the night, you can be startled awake at 2:30am by your 4YO asking you if the chicken looked both ways before it crossed the road.

— Not the Nanny (@notthenanny) April 14, 2020

Kids shouldn’t be allowed to lose teeth during quarantine.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 14, 2020

I told my son I was looking for a picture of myself at 20 and he got all wide-eyed and asked if they had cameras in the olden days so I’ve cancelled his next three birthdays

— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) April 16, 2020

When my son failed a math test before March 1, 2020:
“Did you not study? Are you not paying attention in class? Do you need a tutor?”

When my son fails a math test today:
“Welp, buddy, we did our best.”

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 15, 2020

Parenthood feels like a sober hangover.

— The Vagina Diary (@thevaginadiary) April 13, 2020

If robot babysitters haven’t been invented in the next six months then that “necessity is the mother of invention” expression is bullshit.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 14, 2020

After folding all of the clothes I can only assume that I have 7 children and two husbands that I was not previously aware of.

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) April 13, 2020

My kids want me to make homemade chicken noodle soup for lunch. Like, who do they think I am? The Cheesecake Factory?

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 16, 2020

Why use a coloring book when this ENTIRE house can be my canvas?!

~Toddlers

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) April 12, 2020

If this kid is in my classroom again come September, I’m quitting.

— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) April 15, 2020

Welcome to parenthood, your sex life takes more planning than your wedding.

— 2 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) April 17, 2020

I was slicing leftover ham as my kids were watching Peppa Pig and I was momentarily very sorry

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 15, 2020

Back to #Homeschooling or as I call it Proof I’m NOT Smarter Than A Fifth Grader.

— alyson hannigan (@alydenisof) April 13, 2020

Being a parent is literally just changing the toilet paper roll and cleaning up messes that don’t belong to you repeatedly until you die

— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) April 16, 2020

Turns out if you’re playing hide and seek and crawl into a super king size double duvet cover and lay still, spread out like a starfish, they won’t find you and you can basically live there

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 15, 2020

4YO: daddy, what do you do for work?
ME: [long pause] i guess go to meetings and type emails and stuff
4: i don’t want to do that

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 14, 2020

We’ve been quarantined for 4 weeks now and my son hasn’t stopped talking. I thought for sure he would run out of things to talk about, but apparently my son is super resilient and can adapt pretty quick. Help me.

— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) April 14, 2020

Yes hi my 5 year old ate orange slices on his pizza and I’d like the number for the FBI please

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) April 17, 2020

Family wants to eat again, what the fuck

— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) April 14, 2020

I’m not sure who coined the phrase “you’ll miss these days,” but it definitely wasn’t a parent who spent a month quarantined with 3 kids.

— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) April 16, 2020

Also on HuffPost

Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.

Scroll down to read the latest batch:

Also on HuffPost

Source: Huffington Post Australia Athena2 https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/the-funniest-tweets-from-parents-this-week-april-11-17_au_5e9cc55ac5b6ea335d5da988

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