i know my friends are hot bc any time we take a pic it looks like i won a raffle contest to meet them
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) May 20, 2020
Marijuana is legal and haircuts are against the law. It took half a century but Hippies finally won.
— RUTH BUZZI (@Ruth_A_Buzzi) May 16, 2020
americans are treating coronavirus like I treat my period— pretending it’s finished when it is obviously not!
— ziwe (@ziwe) May 19, 2020
man I miss precedented times
— julia reinstein 🚡 (@juliareinstein) May 18, 2020
I WISH I KNEW WHAT KIND OF MUSIC MY DOG LIKES
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) May 16, 2020
me desperately clicking “leave meeting” so I’m not the last one left with the host
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) May 20, 2020
Skype really fumbled the bag with a 17 year lead
— Lil riri (@xoxo_riya) May 19, 2020
Me: I hate drama.
Also me: Reads all 258 comments on a heated Facebook post thread that is 100 percent not my business.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 18, 2020
i miss that awkward 30 seconds after leaving the movie theater with someone else where both of u have to announce whether u liked the movie or not but nobody wants to give their opinion first in case they’re wrong
— helen (@helen) May 20, 2020
me after answering one (1) email pic.twitter.com/06GIyoWzb7
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) May 20, 2020
ME: Why can’t I sleep?
BRAIN: The team put together a PowerPoint of every worst case scenario that could go even more wrong. Dave, can you dim the lights? We’ll get started.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) May 17, 2020
he was the gas to my light. the man to my ipulation
— ምኞት (@blanketm9) May 18, 2020
The day begins when I bring my charger from the bedroom into the couch area
— Natalie Walker (@nwalks) May 20, 2020
All I can remember is the flavor of that spoon. pic.twitter.com/NTFlYmF1p8
— Kae Lani (@KaeLaniSays) May 18, 2020
getting emotional thinking about how i am now the adoptive mother of the library books i took out on March 2nd
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) May 20, 2020
Thank you for coming to my TED talk pic.twitter.com/1dI8aqw1U8
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) May 21, 2020
How come in 90’s movies teens are always at a nightclub like honey we weren’t allowed in nightclubs we were getting yelled at for being too loud in a Fazoli’s
— Meg Stalter (@megstalter) May 19, 2020
I don’t like the idea of penises growing over time but I also don’t like the idea of them starting out full size. ultimately I understand that the right call was made
— Julie Greiner (@JulieAbridged) May 18, 2020
people are so anxious for bars to re-open like they don’t know you can charge yourself double for a beer and stare at your phone at home too
— maura quint (@behindyourback) May 21, 2020
What kind of sick perversion is it that I try to get laughs in therapy?
— Alyssa Stonoha (@astonoha) May 21, 2020
Source: Huffington Post Australia Athena2 https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/funniest-tweets-from-women-this-week_au_5ecaebd7c5b6ef8f33474277