The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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Baby Yoda implies the existence of a Sporty Yoda, Scary Yoda, Ginger Yoda, and Posh Yoda
— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) December 30, 2019
saying 'week':
• boring
• connotes drudgery
• clichésaying 'sennight'
• exotic
• something of the nocturnal to it
• suggests you're a dramatic bitch— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) January 2, 2020
drank all the glasses of leftover champagne i found around the house this morning
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) January 1, 2020
The only acceptable gender reveal is with a black cake to signify that your baby will be a New Yorker.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) January 1, 2020
The suburbs are powerful. No matter how strong you think you are, by day two you’re eating dinner at 4 and asking what the weather’s looking like tomorrow
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) December 30, 2019
In 2020 I shall politely and considerately stunt on these hoes, if they don’t mind
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) January 2, 2020
[5 PM]: Come in. Thanks for coming over.
[6 PM]: I’m so happy we were able to get together.
[7 PM]: This is so much fun.
[8 PM]: We should do this again.
[9 PM]: I’m going to need you to get the fuck out of my house now.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 2, 2020
My 2020 resolution is: to disappear mysteriously in the woods & baffle true crime podcast listeners everywhere when I emerge, unharmed, in 2021 with no memories of the woods & a pulsating glowing orb clutched in my fist
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) January 1, 2020
me waiting for my crush to notice me pic.twitter.com/3OtFVmZ1B8
— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) December 31, 2019
My anxiety is higher than the rent
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) January 3, 2020
[putting a bra on for the first time in 2 weeks]
my boobs: please my lady don’t put us back in jail
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) January 2, 2020
am i only one with a pinterest full of different examples of people standing in lines correctly
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 29, 2019
who decided fahrenheit had to be spelled this way what even the fuck
— gaymer (@legallyines) January 3, 2020
shazam, but to tell my mother who every single person she sees on TV is
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) January 2, 2020
my only two new years resolutions are to:
1) release my inhibitions
2) feel the rain on my skin— liz (@liz_haydon) January 1, 2020
women at work while having period pains, a cold, body aches and a serious nausea vs men when they have a slight cold pic.twitter.com/C7EaUndXnr
— indie (@INDIEWASHERE) January 2, 2020
you coulda had a bad bitch
noncommittal
cats can have salami
just a little— Prairie Home Companion Cube (@hey_friend) December 30, 2019
sucks that the machine I use to write also has a function where you can shop for a new duvet cover for 3 hours
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) December 29, 2019
every city has a bar named “the library” and everyone inside looks like this pic.twitter.com/lq4QKgZ9I3
— ava wolf (@wownicebuttdude) January 2, 2020
My 2020 plan of falling in love is at odds with not doing anything besides watching Little Women
— alyssa, the Little Women enjoyer, (@alyssakeiko) December 29, 2019
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