Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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Baby Yoda implies the existence of a Sporty Yoda, Scary Yoda, Ginger Yoda, and Posh Yoda
— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) December 30, 2019
• connotes drudgery
• something of the nocturnal to it
• suggests you're a dramatic bitch
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) January 2, 2020
drank all the glasses of leftover champagne i found around the house this morning
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) January 1, 2020
The only acceptable gender reveal is with a black cake to signify that your baby will be a New Yorker.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) January 1, 2020
The suburbs are powerful. No matter how strong you think you are, by day two you’re eating dinner at 4 and asking what the weather’s looking like tomorrow
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) December 30, 2019
In 2020 I shall politely and considerately stunt on these hoes, if they don’t mind
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) January 2, 2020
[5 PM]: Come in. Thanks for coming over.
[6 PM]: I’m so happy we were able to get together.
[7 PM]: This is so much fun.
[8 PM]: We should do this again.
[9 PM]: I’m going to need you to get the fuck out of my house now.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 2, 2020
My 2020 resolution is: to disappear mysteriously in the woods & baffle true crime podcast listeners everywhere when I emerge, unharmed, in 2021 with no memories of the woods & a pulsating glowing orb clutched in my fist
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) January 1, 2020
me waiting for my crush to notice me pic.twitter.com/3OtFVmZ1B8
— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) December 31, 2019
My anxiety is higher than the rent
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) January 3, 2020
[putting a bra on for the first time in 2 weeks]
my boobs: please my lady don’t put us back in jail
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) January 2, 2020
am i only one with a pinterest full of different examples of people standing in lines correctly
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 29, 2019
who decided fahrenheit had to be spelled this way what even the fuck
— gaymer (@legallyines) January 3, 2020
shazam, but to tell my mother who every single person she sees on TV is
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) January 2, 2020
my only two new years resolutions are to:
1) release my inhibitions
2) feel the rain on my skin
— liz (@liz_haydon) January 1, 2020
women at work while having period pains, a cold, body aches and a serious nausea vs men when they have a slight cold pic.twitter.com/C7EaUndXnr
— indie (@INDIEWASHERE) January 2, 2020
you coulda had a bad bitch
cats can have salami
just a little
— Prairie Home Companion Cube (@hey_friend) December 30, 2019
sucks that the machine I use to write also has a function where you can shop for a new duvet cover for 3 hours
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) December 29, 2019
every city has a bar named “the library” and everyone inside looks like this pic.twitter.com/lq4QKgZ9I3
— ava wolf (@wownicebuttdude) January 2, 2020
My 2020 plan of falling in love is at odds with not doing anything besides watching Little Women
— alyssa, the Little Women enjoyer, (@alyssakeiko) December 29, 2019