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NBL Name Selection Narrowing in on Absolute Worst

Published: (Updated: ) in Australian News by .

Advisors to the NBL Tasmanian team in preparation have confirmed that the new name will be chosen through a process of discarding one bad name a week until they are left with the worst one. They outlined that the short list of five terrible names was their starting point for a rigorous process of narrowing […]

Advisors to the NBL Tasmanian team in preparation have confirmed that the new name will be chosen through a process of discarding one bad name a week until they are left with the worst one.

They outlined that the short list of five terrible names was their starting point for a rigorous process of narrowing in on a genuinely execrable stinkeroo.

“Well we had a widespread competition for team name suggestions, yielding ten thousand entries from across the state,” said Chief Advisor David Fartlett. “And in true Tasmanian fashion we took all the best and promising ideas and discarded them immediately to be never heard of again, so that we could focus rightly on the dull, unambitious, inane and largely rucking fidiculous…excuse my Mainlandese.”

He noted that Tridents appeared to be firming as a favourite.

Up the Tridents!

“If we go for a three-bunger, it’ll clearly dispel the offensive notion that we only have two heads,” Fartlett explained. And Tasmanian fans would quickly adopt the Trident hand gesture as a way of showing their solidarity with the team, he believed.

“I also think a piece of branding with the Tridents would work. Tasmania with the wild Southern Ocean and it is all about ocean borders and rising up from the sea like Neptune.”

The classic Tasmanianness in rehashing a trite bit of overdone culture from somewhere else rather than recognising legends of indigenous people dating back tens of thousands of years was just a bonus, he added.

The other names, he said, also featured broad unsuitability and should be considered in that context.

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“Mountaineers…because every Tasmanian has climbed Federation Peak. Jack jumpers…because they’re on everyone’s top 10 list of dangerous Australian animals, somewhere in between the spiked drop bear and the payday fortnight front bar reptile.

“Timbers…I can already see the state being totally united behind the pre-match entertainment of forest peace agreements being ripped up by half-naked pompom girls dressed in even worse colours than the Hurricanes.”

Fartlett said there was a fifth name too, which is so awful and forgettable he couldn’t even remember it off the top of his head, but therefore right in the mix.

“Basketball courts in the scheme of things are pretty small,” he explained. “Only a decent throw long, and narrower than Michael Ferguson’s moral compass. So to succeed in the game you have to think small. Reall small.”

The name is expected to be confirmed in time for a range of ill-fitting shorts, singlets unsuitable for wearing in Tasmania’s climate, recycled MAGA blubbering patriot caps and other branded merchandise to be ready in time for the franchise’s first season.

“I’m very confident the Blundstone-Coogans-HazellCronies-Banjos-BankOfUmbrageIsle-PokieBaron-Tridents will really stand out in the Hungry Jack’s NBL as quite unique,” Fartlett enthused.

Source: Tasmanian Times https://tasmaniantimes.com/2020/09/nbl-team-name-worst/#utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=nbl-team-name-worst

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