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COVIDsafe App Wins Prestigious Award

Published: (Updated: ) in Australian News by .

The federal government’s much-vaunted COVIDsafe app has won a prestigious software award. The app was awarded a rare five stars by the judging panel for the Stupid Piece of Useless Sh*t that Doesn’t Even F*cking Work prize. “There’s a lot of competition in this space right at the moment,” said Don Tasqmi, Director of fast-growing […]

The federal government’s much-vaunted COVIDsafe app has won a prestigious software award.

The app was awarded a rare five stars by the judging panel for the Stupid Piece of Useless Sh*t that Doesn’t Even F*cking Work prize.

“There’s a lot of competition in this space right at the moment,” said Don Tasqmi, Director of fast-growing tech site What A Load Of Useless Sh*t Dot Com that monitors all kinds of increasingly useless sh*t in the technology and app markets.

“But this is an outstanding achievement and utterly deserving of our award. As a response to a national crisis you have an app that no-one asked for, that you can barely give away, that doesn’t work on iPhones and that even a month after deployment has not produced any useful data.”

Minister responsible for the app, Stuart Robert, said he was thrilled with the award.

“Millions of Australians have downloaded the app and are completely wasting their time, effort and battery power,” he said. “That’s really what service provision is all about under this government.”

He said the COVIDsafe app was revolutionising the way citizens gifted absolutely giga-f*cktonnes of personal information to anonymous bureaucrats and giant security agency databases in Canberra.

“The app lets us spy on them, while not doing the single goddam thing it was f*cking supposed to do,” he explained.

He pointed out that Labor had not been able to produce even a single totally pointless pandemic app during its term in government, let alone a five-star one.

Tasqmi said the “hell-ridden, bass-ackwards as johnny wombat f*ck” design was a crucial element in the app’s engineering.

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“It’s clear the techs have spent a lot of time not listening to end users, thus enabling them to produce a sweetly dead-end mess of garbage that will have bedwetting hotel owners across the nation screaming ‘work, work, you buttfaced, c*cksucking piece of incomprehensible sh*t’ in unison as they watch their businesses die.”

“This app will keep Australians safe,” Prime Minister Scott Morrison said confidently as he swept the sports rorts scheme under the carpet in order to prepare for the stimulus grants program. “If you have a doona you’ll get a doona. We’re looking fair dinkum straight at fair dinkum Australians and saying that if you stop the boats, you’ll be back in black. Fair dinkum.”

Source: Tasmanian Times https://tasmaniantimes.com/2020/06/covidsafe-app-wins-prestigious-award/#utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=covidsafe-app-wins-prestigious-award

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